One Long Season

by Jacob Miller

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Songs from Winter, Spring and Summer, 2014

Classical guitar on Coffee & Flowers by Spider Rain
Recording equipment courtesy of Parasitic Productions

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released August 26, 2014

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all rights reserved

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Jacob Miller Grinnell, Iowa

slow music for slow feelings

IA & MA

page artwork by destini powell

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Track Name: Absent Mind
Would that I had an absent mind;
I wish it was empty most of the time.
I wish it was easy to think of no one,
to be a bit more thoughtless and maybe more fun.

Don't people mean more when you think of them less?
Don't you seem so much cooler when you're hard to impress?
Feeling's a weight, made of coal, clay, and steam,
though you know you seem fickle when you want it for free.

I don't want to see you in my mind at night,
the thought of you now, the warmth of your eyes...
I don't want these memories, impossible dreams;
they're a room full of windows with nothing to see.

Solitude would be easy if I forgot myself,
but I wait and I fear and I ask for help.
Aloneness, apartness; unbearable sky.
I don't want to see you in my mind at night.
Track Name: Boxer
Close your eyes, something's amiss
I forget what happens after this.
Another long night in the moonlit room,
I know you hate this silence too.
The most important things I know
I learned from watching the dark of you.

I have seen these dangerous hearts,
all racing still down in the dark.
Now I know it's not what you want,
this broken hand that strikes to stop.
Some nights I have known you, but not this night,
I'm scattering lies out in the moonshine.

Now we're dancing between these broken rings,
it's a crying shame, trust worn so thin.

But now we've got to go,
don't you know there's a war?
We're joining in with the fighting
on the bedroom floor.

Close your eyes, half-intimate wish.
I don't think we've an "after this."
Show some emotion, we're a long way from home
and you're the only place I know.

You know, I never won a match, not a single fight.
I still want you in my arms tonight,
but we've got to leave,
can't you hear the war?
We've joined in with the fighting
on the bedroom floor.
Track Name: No Secret Life
No melody,
There's no one to see,
or to speak for me.

I have been here too long,
forgotten what went wrong,
before things went wrong again.

I can't play piano,
I don't know any pretty notes,
I don't know anywhere to go.

I'd open my eyes to the sea,
but all I know that's not a dream,
is loneliness and vanity.

I can't find the use of me
in a space I made for other things.
I'll just sing vacantly,
'til you fill in the blank of me.

Some things get lost in these fictions,
some things get lost between our minds.
Sometimes we're not meant to know,
but it's hard to leave the unknown behind.

There's no melody,
no memory
of any use to me.
Track Name: Wanting
You say the strangest things sometimes,
and I don't understand what life's carved into your heart.

All the belonging I've felt has been fleeting,
the world will always take us different ways.

There's no end to the depths of you, the dusk or the tide of you,
or the words I'd not expect to hear you say.

These infinite stangers and their dark ocean hearts,
to see it in me, I don't know where to start...

I don't know you or anyone, for all the silence I've left in my wake.
The hurt of this wanting keeps me coming back here,
where the beauty is too much to take.
Track Name: Lake Michigan
Clouds form a line over Lake Michigan,
the water looks like frozen dross.
The plane bobs and weaves like leaves in the wind,
I can't help but wonder if we're lost

or if I even want to come down,
there's nothing waiting for me in these dirty old towns.

There's a worn out world beneath us,
decay is so clear from the sky.
You and your city are just driftwood on the coast,
all these clouds getting caught in my eyes.

I know this is all going to happen again,
there's no stopping time or turning back to then.

I want to knock the matchstick buildings over,
pull a fresh carpet across the turf.
I want for us all to begin again
but some things can't be tied down to the earth;

the plane that I'm on is never gonna land,
there are no roads that could lead me back to your hands
and the clouds
drift
and scatter
across Lake Michigan.
Track Name: Coffee & Flowers
I rise in the morning, all this soot washes up in my dreams.
Drinking coffee and flowers,
somehow it's been years since I've been to the sea.

The cars, they keep passing as they crawl their way up the hill.
The road looks weary, cracked and bruised,
and I tend to think it always will.

I stand at the window, the strong light cuts right through my ribs.
It finds the hollow space between what I want and what I live.

It's a few miles to the ocean, but I don't think I could find my way there.
When I dream at night, my mouth fills with plaster and hair.

If I spend these weeks just watching sunsets, will I lose my taste for the moon?
Have I really lived if I've always thought that life was coming soon?

Like a kiss on the cheek, these hours are made of the things they could mean.
I just don't feel any older, at this beach on my sunburnt knees.
Track Name: Waiting
I don't remember much these days;
the sun, one long season.
Pages must speak, for no one's here,
but I don't believe the words I'm reading.
It's louder here than I thought it would be,
I don't trust my memory anymore.
I was hoping I'd find the warm touch of old things,
but most of what I've known is gone.

But it gets quiet when the cars stop
and clouds form around the moon.
You can't see the stars through the foggy air
but you can still talk about them in tunes.

That's the way it's been for a lot of things,
so I hope there are stars where you are.
It's all one big ghost story now,
everybody keeps slipping so far.
I remember back a couple years ago,
sitting with a bunch of kids 'round a fire.
I'm a "completely different person" now,
well, a voice caught in telephone wire.

We've changed without warning or reason,
we can't be counted on to remain,
yet I've never felt more stuck in my life;
there's nothing I want, nothing can change.

I feel awful far from all I've ever lost,
like my life happened to someone else.
I'm just here to foot the cost,
and keep asking for my own help.
There are strangers in my memories,
in my dreams and in my head,
and every morning, a stranger
wakes up in my bed.

So I wonder if we ever
want the same thing
or are we bound to find our mouths
filled with different words to sing?
There's one long season of waiting now,
for the clouds in the sky to turn;
they're the color of spilled milk these days,
I want to watch the sunset burn.
Track Name: Tall Moon
Tall moon, what do they pay for your light?
What's a good wage, am I gonna be fine?

Old moon, how have you grown so bright?
Are you stony and cold, eyes just like mine?

Are you afraid of the brighter stars of the sky,
do they make you lonely with the pull of their lives?

Pink moon, tell me what should I do;
what have I left that's not colored by you?

I try changing the way that I live my life,
but I still feel weak and desperate, with so much left behind, I...

I will never be done making mistakes.

We grow rings 'round ourselves, the whole past stays inside,
but sometimes we forget, so wrapped up in the ride.

I know you will win in all that you do,
but this road that we share, I'm alone on it too.

I forgot: asked speech of the immense silence.
I'm asking for a reprieve from the present tense.

Time makes us all strangers, I want to dance with someone
and not be afraid of what I'll become.